k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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