umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
