I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
