I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
