i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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