Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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