Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
