he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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