I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
