they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
