I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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