I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
