You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
