Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
