forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
