I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
