Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
