Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
