Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
