Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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