i was born a porn star she said
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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