Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
