We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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