they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
