listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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