he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
