I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
