If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize