Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
