i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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