So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize