I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
