Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
