And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we're so committed to being not committed
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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