he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
