You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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