Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your cock deserves a montage
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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