how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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