Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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