Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
