she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
