He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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