this boner is exhausting
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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