frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
