I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
