apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize