there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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