Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize