He asked to "fluff my boner.."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
