All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
