I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
