Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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