I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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