then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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