I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
