you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
