It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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