6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
