I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
