Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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