you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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