The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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