do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
