dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
