my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
sex in a hospital.. check
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
