I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Randomize
