Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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