you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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