Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Randomize
