Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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