I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
