i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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