So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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