It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In other news, I just burned my penis
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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