bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
