My cat gives me a boner
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
